My Solo Unassisted Freebirth

The birth of my daughter shifted my entire timeline in this life. In honour of her first birthday, on the 21st, I wanted to share her incredible journey to Earth with all of you. She was born at home, on my own, with no one else present, and it was absolutely perfect...and planned to be this way!

Her birth story is one of MANY from empowered women around the world included in my new book Women of the Wild. Our beautiful tribe of wise women have shared pieces of their hearts and souls through this project and I am honoured to have connected with each of them. You can find Women of the Wild for purchase HERE

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Women of the Wild Podcast. Here, our community of wise women comes together to explore and discuss naturopathic medicine, fertility free birth, and cultivating inner peace and joy through embracing alternative lifestyles. These are powerful women and pioneers in the modern age who choose to live and heal free of Westernized limit. Many we will speak to have bravely and successfully cured themselves through chronic and even terminal illness prior to setting forth on their mission to offer healing to others. Together we return to our roots, to our inner wisdom and our birth rights to the wild in all of us, and together we grow to change the world. I'm your host, Jenny Dice. Today is a bit of a special episode with a topic very close to my heart with the release of my new book, also called Women of the Wild. We keep the title's uniform here. I had a ton of questions rolling in about free birth and wild pregnancy. My daughter is a free birth baby, and we're actually coming up on her one year birthday in just a couple days. So I thought, what better time to take a moment to share our story with all of you as a little celebration. So let's start with what actually is free birth. For those who don't know or haven't heard this term before, free birth is simply the act of a woman birthing her baby without medical assistance. The wild pregnancy is essentially the same deal, allowing prenatal care to be directed by intuition and natural progression rather than going through the medical system stating the obvious. These choices are not for everyone, but they were the ones that I personally went. Because they were what felt right to me. I definitely don't feel like this is how everyone has to do it, to have a positive birth experience. It's perfectly possible to have a beautiful, empowering experience in a hospital just as much as it is at home. In fact, my own sister-in-law had a beautiful experience with her nurses, so much so during her births that she's inspired to become a nurse herself. So there are good people out there who are trying to do things the right way and are trying to give love and support and respect to birthing mothers in all types of settings. To me, every birth is beautiful and valid. And the important part that I believe should be shouted from the rooftops is that every woman should be allowed the opportunity to make the choices that suit her best. This means knowing all the options out there, which until more recently hasn't been much of a. In general, I think that the majority of society just kind of rolls with the hospital system options simply because that's what everyone else around them has done for what, a couple generations now. You know, that's what's deemed safe by popular opinion. It's the most mainstream and the most talked about, and so it just makes the most sense for most people. Not to mention, if you look up free birth, it does not have the most glowing reviews on Google, so I'm here to shake that up a bit and toss in some new ideas by sharing my own experience. Free birth and wild pregnancy was absolutely the right choice for me. It wasn't actually a term I had ever heard before prior to becoming. Although I was of course aware that women had given birth outside of the hospital for thousands of years, and I was intrigued by the idea of what it would take to realistically follow in their footsteps. My journey to becoming pregnant in the first place was an incredibly long and painful one. I had a lot of losses, a lot of miscarriages, and a lot of you may already know from listening to a previous. I had ovarian tumors and for years I was told that I would never be able to carry a child full term if I even managed to get pregnant in the first place. But I did manage to get pregnant at being told that I took it upon myself to heal the tumors and did so successfully. And then I began the self-work of reconnecting with my body and learning to work through the mental traumas that were affecting my physical body. I did all of this outside of the Western. And I had firsthand experiences of my methods actually working. So I had a lot of trust in myself from the start, which I think is an incredibly important aspect of choosing this route. If you're not starting your own journey with a ton of self-awareness, that's totally fine. Of course. And it doesn't mean you can't have a free birth or a home birth, but I feel like in that case, if you're a little disconnected, it would be really important to take the nine-ish. Or 10 months of prep time that you have, not only to connect with your little one as they grow, but to do some self-care and connecting with yourself too so that you feel your absolute strongest and most powerful for when the time comes to bring your baby Earth side. I did a lot of this self connecting myself through the pregnancy period. Lots of self check-ins, tons of meditating and yoga. I took a lot of time to see and appreciate the strength of my body moving along in daily life, and yoga really helps a lot with that because your, your mind is focusing on the movement of your body and your breath, and you're really tuned in with what's present. It really is unbelievable how seamlessly a woman's body adjusts to make room for new life, and I found the whole process absolutely fascinating. Since it was my first baby, I was curious how I would recognize when I was actually going into labor and what that would actually feel like. I read a ton of birth stories and watched other women's videos. I felt really empowered and prepped, but at the same time I knew that every experience is its own. That's part of the beauty of birth. You can prep as much as possible, but there will always be the aspects of the. That we all as individual women have to face and acknowledge as part of our own growth journeys. That's such a cool idea to me that giving birth is both a communal and ancestral healing and strengthening experience as a tribe, as well as a highly individual soul journey. Like no one else on earth will ever experience your exact moment, your exact precious moment of giving birth and all that. That will mean. Exact moment for you personally as women, it's so important to share our wisdom and experiences and to continue connecting and bonding and growing as a whole by allowing ourselves to be open. We can learn so much from each other and gain so much introspection through the process. There was not a whole lot of people that I was open and honest with about my plan to free birth, and I do really wish that this aspect could have been d. But it was more a matter of protecting my space and my peace as well as not wanting to worry certain family members. You know, I wanted to share all the details. I wish I could have included everybody, but, and it's not that they would have interfered in a way, like purposely to, to be malicious or anything, but, you know, everybody is so conditioned to think that home birth and free birth is dangerous. If I were to. To everybody. Oh yeah, I'm gonna give birth at my house by myself. People will be having the ambulance knocking down my door, come the time, you know, trying to be helpful. But that's not exactly helpful when you have a plan, you know? So the other reason I really got pumped up about wanting to create more of a community of wise women was exactly this, so that other people who are possibly in the same boat as I. At the time won't feel so isolated in their choices like we have other women to talk to. There are other women out there choosing to birth in this way, and it's nice to have the opportunity to connect and to feel supported. My sister was my rock through my whole experience, and I was so grateful to just have her to share stuff with. I invited her to be at the birth because I knew she would be super respectful of everything that I needed, and I knew. That she knew why I was choosing to free birth in the first place. So I knew that she would respect that and that she wouldn't do anything to ruin that experience or moment for me. So as it got a little closer to the gas date, she flew in from Cali and hung out with me for almost an entire month. We did all the things. We walked every day. We did yoga, we swam in the ocean. I bounced the hell out of my birth. And I ate spicy food and Nada baby was not in the mood to make her appearance. I had in the back of my mind that she was gonna come when it was only me. And looking back, I feel like maybe that inner knowing was unconsciously what my heart wanted. So my body complied with that. My sister ended up having to go back to work, and so we chatted about it a bit and she planned to come back once the baby was born to help. Settle in and help me be able to just enjoy the little newborn baby bubble a little bit more. The second I dropped her off at the airport, I got super emotional because I knew for a fact then that it was going to be just me and my baby. I had to take a second when I got home and work through. Quite a few last minute fears and hesitations as I sat on the couch and just talked, you know, I talked to my baby and eventually, you know, I felt calm again. I worked through all of the things and that was another little cool experience of there was things coming up that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. And, you know, our, our birds and our babies teach us so much from the very beginning, right before they even arrive here. I remember telling her, We're ready. This is how it's meant to be, and I'm ready to meet you. Let's get you on the outside now. And so I went ahead and I went to bed and it was literally the next morning. So my ASIS had stayed one more day, but the next morning I woke up at 4:00 AM and it was to these little squeezes. And honestly, it just felt like someone had their arm around my waist and was hugging. For just like a little second, and then they were letting go. It was the wildest feeling I think I ever had. It made it even a little crazier because I was in this super dreamy state too, like everything was just kind of going in this lovely slow motion space, almost like I was still asleep and I remember thinking that there is no way this is what labor is supposed to be like. How is this so gentle? And I tried to go back to sleep for a little while, but I was too excited at the same time with the possibility that maybe this was the real thing and that this could be the day. So I got up and I went through my regular morning routine and I still was not feeling anything except for the squeezes. I figured just in case I should probably eat something. So I was heating up some bone broth and something in my mind just clicked. I don't know how else to describe. Except for I just checked out physically. I still didn't feel anything except for the little light squeezes, but mentally, I went into this tunnel vision mode of just wanting to be in the dark and the quiet, so I shut off the oven. I went to my room. I have this huge fur blanket that I just threw down on the floor, and I shot all the blinds so that everything was dark and beautiful and perfect. I got naked because that was what felt right for me. I just wanted to be like, I wanted all the things off of me and I wanted to be on all fours. So I got down on this blanket and I'm still in this crazy spacey head space that was just so wildly peaceful and it felt like my whole being was outside of myself and all of my awareness was. I could feel myself moving in circles when the waves were coming and I could hear myself growling out this low sound and the vibrations of it all made me smile, which I remember thinking it was funny to me. Like there I was just kind of observing myself, smiling with these movements. I remember rubbing my face on the blanket and grinning because it was all just so amazing. Everything was so heightened. Everything just. I felt like I was tripping. That's the best way I can describe it. If any of you have ever had that experience before, it was so close to that, you were just so in your body. And so in tune with every touch, feel like every little piece that's around you, right? And so sensitive to everything. And then all at once, it was like my soul fell back into my. And my mind picked up pace again for a second, and I was like, water, I need water. And I had planned to have a pool set up, but of course, like everything was happening so fast and it was just me. So it was like, that is not happening. The pool just stayed in the box. And so I filled my tub up and I have like a little bathtub and I grabbed a gallon of water and a mango Popsicle so that I could sit in the hot water with a cold. And that idea just sounded really beautiful to me in the moment. And I remember sinking down into the water and it was so insanely relaxing. My mind's just immediately checked out again. And I felt these like little tingles on top of my head as I was going back out into space. And I remember I threw my Popsicle sticks somewhere and I was massaging my ankles and my calves in the. And it felt so nice and I was just moving back and forth and I was watching the water swish around me with the sensations that were coming. And I remember thinking, you know, nothing is unmanageable still. It was just really strange how peaceful everything was to me, you know, cuz the idea, everybody thinks that birth is going to be this crazy fast paced like rush of events and I was just so surprised at how slow everything was going. I was envisioning the muscles working on moving and I was noticing my baby moving along with and moving along with the water and it was like everything was flowing together and this one big spiral of motion, like it was me, the baby, the water, all the energy around me was just moving all together in this big wave. And I remember thinking how beautiful that was. This spiral was bringing me my baby, and then all of a sudden my awareness immediately came back to the present and there was this incredibly intense sensation, like almost like a kick from the inside, from my baby. And it was like the first. Thing that wasn't like this beautiful, peaceful feeling. It was like, but it was, it wasn't really painful either. It was just this like, it was a surprise. It was a surprise, like a kick from the inside. And I had all of these thoughts though immediately clamor for space in my brain. And it was this rush of like panic, maybe panic or adrenaline, but it was like a half of a second where all of these thoughts like pounded in my head. I can't do this anymore, this and that. It's too hard. And then in that half a second, because of all of the stories that I had read and all of the experiences of all of the beautiful women who shared their stories with me, I knew that this was what everybody was talking about as far as transition. And so I remember I started laughing cuz I got excited when I realized I was in the middle of transition because I knew this was the end. Like it's happening now. I'm about to meet my baby. And I was so excited and so I told myself, you know, you're not gonna die. This is ridiculous. Like, this is fine. You're almost there. Get over it. You know? And I'm sure I would've looked absolutely crazy to any onlookers had they been looking, you know, because I was laughing like in this wild way, but I didn't. It was only me and my baby. I could be as weird and wild and unhinged and uninhibited as I wanted to be, and there was so much fucking freedom in that. It was amazing to just truly allow myself to be absolutely lost in the primal moment of giving birth without any sort of self-conscious feeling or any interruptions to the process. I remember saying to my, It is time. Now. We've got this, you and I, and as I said that it was like my whole body just released and I felt like it completely took over of what was happening. I can only describe it as my soul splitting in half. I felt like the whole earth was shaking in this incredible low vibration, and I could visually see the vibrations as well as hear. And I stood in that same moment, and as I stood up, my water broke and I stepped out of the tub with one leg, and she was born into my hands all at once. I stepped out the rest of the way and I slid down the wall, holding her close to me, and everything just went silent. All of those vibrations, all of the low rumbles I was hearing, like everything just went to a complete. We just stared at each other. She was wide-eyed, like exploring my face. Her little eyes were moving all around. She wasn't making a sound. She didn't make a sound at first, but she had like this little smile on her face and I just stared into her eyes. God, they were beautiful. They were like little blue galaxies and I smiled back at her and I rubbed her back a. She gave me like one cry. Uh, so I knew she was all right, everything was cleared, and then she just went back to quietly observing me. I'm not sure quite how long we stayed there. But I felt a bit of heaviness and I remembered, oh, the placenta. I had completely forgotten about that, like in the moment of everything. But I shifted a bit with the heaviness and I ended up half birthing it right there with no effort at all. And when I looked down though, I noticed I was bleeding a little bit more than I was comfortable with, and that the placenta was only half birth. And so I, you know, put two and two together of that was probably the cause of the extra blood. So I shifted my girl to the one. And I held the placenta with the other hand so that it didn't just tear away. And I moved to my garden where I had a whole nother space set up, uh, in case that was where I ended up wandering too. I had all these little cozy nooks all through the house set, but I had this one, and with my herbs obviously in the garden, and I had pillows and blankets, so I took some angelica and the placenta was birthed, almost immediate. And I took some wot strands just to be safe. Since I was by myself, I, you know, always better to be on the safe side, right? But I propped my feet up and I went back to nursing and cuddling my new little girl. And I know the nursing helps too, with the slowing of the blood a little bit. So it was just like, I'm probably a matter of a couple minutes. After a little while, I took a second to take a couple quick pictures and video with my babies that I'd have them to look back on one day, and I'm really glad I did that. They're definitely not professional quality, but they're really beautiful to me and they're something that I can look back on and just remember how extraordinary all of this experience was. And one day I can show her, you know, I texted a couple of my family members and. I let them know that she was here and that we were okay. And then I just threw my phone to the side because it really, it didn't feel like it belonged in the space. I just didn't wanna be part of that. I just wanted to be with my girl and I wanted to bask in the moment and just be with her. And eventually, you know, I caught her cord when it was white. I tied it off with a cord tie that I had made and cut it myself and for me, this was a really incredible. Sacred feeling to be able to have this moment to myself and to cut her cord myself. Like we were sitting next to my plumeria tree and at the time it was in full bloom and everything was so quiet and still smelled like rain and flowers, and I got to just take this moment in the quiet and say thank you. Thank you to my baby, thank you to my. And she just looked up at me with those big, beautiful eyes and this precious time to connect and bond was everything to me. I got us both cleaned up and bundled up in the coziest blanket nest on the couch, and I left the rest of the house a complete mess. And then I remembered that I had just thrown my phone to the side and that I hadn't responded to anybody for who knows how long it, like looking back now, I realize it was several hours. A few people were pretty worried, but I remembered to respond. So, um, I messaged my sister and my, you know, my parents and let everybody know that all was well. And my sister literally landed at home in Cali and saw that I was having her, and she turned right back around and got on a plane to come back. So she hadn't slept this whole time, flying back and forth, but, you know, she, she was on her way back and, I just got to sit and enjoy my baby while I was waiting for her to come back and be with me. And my dad texted a couple of my neighbors who are family friends and asked them to pop in and check on me, and they did. And they brought pizza, which was fabulous. And you know, I was just snuggled up with my baby eating pizza, loving life. And my sister came through the door and then it was just she and I and my baby and. Hugs and congratulations and happy tears. And it was so special to have her show up and to be in this beautiful new little love bubble with me. And she stayed for the week and cleaned up for me and cooked. And honestly, like I could not have asked for a better nurturing for that little rest period. Like it was perfect from start to finish. And it was exactly the way that I wanted everything to happen. There was nobody in my space that I didn't want to be. And everybody that was there was unbelievably respectful and kind, and it was almost like they felt the sacredness of the moment. Also, for me, and I'll look back on this experience of ALA's birth for the rest of my life as the most healing, empowering, love filled time of my life, and because of my experience, I felt like my entire world shift. And that I finally found the joy and connection with myself and so many other like-minded women as well, and it was just so important to my individual soul. This is what made me want to create this podcast and write Women of the Wild because I know, because I now have such a deep realization of how important connection on wisdom sharing story. Is to bond our tribe. And by our tribe, I mean every woman who walks the earth. We are all in this together no matter how near or far. And the more that we can come together and find ways to connect, the stronger we will be. And that is so fucking beautiful to me. Thank you all for being here with me today and for being part of this wild. I'm so happy to be connected with each and every one of you, and I'm honored to continue sharing our wisdom as the weeks go on. If you're interested in getting your hands on my new book, you'll find a link for it in the show notes as well as through the bio on my Instagram page at Live Your Legend. It really is an incredible book filled with so many stories from so many powerful mamas who were kind enough to share pieces of their hearts through their firsthand birth experiences. It's the largest compilation available out there at the moment with stories from all over the world, and my heart is just filled with gratitude for all the women that I got to meet and connect with and share a story with. If you would like to further discuss this topic, or if you're ready to begin a healing journey of your own, I am here for you through the link in our show notes or through Instagram at live. Your legend, love and gratitude till Tuesday.